It's December. Let's check in.

I don't know about you, but Thanksgiving being so late this year threw me into a bit of confusion. Somehow it’s December and there are only a few weeks until Christmas. I’m guessing I’m not the only one feeling disoriented by the slalom course of the holiday months.

In my post last December I wrote about holiday depression. The holidays are pretty painful for some people, while others are donning Santa hats and prancing around like by-gosh reindeer. As a human who would rather hibernate from November until about May, I always find myself sending compassion to those who struggle during the holiday season.

Whether you’re a Grinch or a Santa, it still helps to bring some mindfulness to this amped up time of year. So, let's check in together and see how we're all doing. Having a consistent way of checking in with yourself is super helpful, whether it be through meditation, journaling, taking contemplative walks, or using a timer or an emotion tracking app. (A lot of the folks I work with like the How We Feel app for its brightly colored emotion bubbles and satisfying scrolling sounds.)

Check ins are useful because we spend a lot of time turning away from ourselves in our modern society and culture. Turning away or avoiding works pretty well in the short term, but as you probably know from your own experience, there’s usually a long-term cost. 

We turn away by scrolling social media, binge watching another round of The Good Place (me!), using substances, checking out, zoning out, and isolating, and staying busy. And by turning away from and tuning out our experiences, we miss out on the fullness of life.

Willingness to turn towards ourselves can be difficult in the moment. But willingness is a skill, not a state of being, so it’s something you can continue to cultivate through practice. If you have shoes on, we can practice some willingness right now. Switch your shoes to the opposite feet and take a short walk around the room. (I would not recommend doing this in heels, but you do you.)

While you're walking, notice the discomfort you’re feeling, the desire to have your shoes back on the right feet, and the thoughts you’re having (“this is stupid”/ “why am I doing this”/”I need new shoes.”) Yay, you did it! You just practiced willingness by turning towards something uncomfortable. (This exercise isn’t my original idea; I believe it came from listening to an author interview on the Psychologists Off the Clock podcast.) 

Ok. So we’re ready to practice our willingness skill and turn towards ourselves via a check in. Here’s a brief one from my wilderness therapy days. We would do this four-line check in after we’d donned our heavy packs and before we set off into the backcountry. The four line check in encompasses mind, body, heart, and spirit:

My mind feels__________ (busy, full, focused on the future, racing, empty, foggy)

My body feels__________ (tense, tight, relaxed, variable, ready)

My heart feels__________ (heavy, anxious, fearful, worried, joyful, anticipatory)

My spirit feels__________ (free, constrained, connected, fluid)

Some people balk at the “spirit” part. If you’re one of them, I still encourage you to practice in the interest of shifting your perspective and connecting to something bigger than yourself (and to practice your willingness skill once again!) In ACT, perspective taking is a key part of building the ability to respond flexibly to life’s problems.

The best part about this check in? You don't have to do anything else. As one of my mentors in graduate school would say, “nothing to do, nothing to fix.” You don't have to fix your tense shoulders or your worried mind. In fact, trying to fix the uncomfortable stuff is probably what got you into suffering in the first place. Instead, just practice being with whatever's there.  

Being with what’s there can include directing your breath in and around certain areas of the body, imagining yourself making space by expanding an invisible bubble around your experience, or placing a kind hand wherever you feel sensation, such as your heart, your temples, or your stomach. 

Another great thing? Your check in doesn't have to make sense. You can use whatever descriptor you want. You can say “my mind feels boulder-y” or “my spirit feels purple”. Your logical mind might rebel, but it really is ok for your internal experiences to show up however they show up, no matter their shape, color, texture, image, temperature, or consistency.

You can also try checking in by noticing the noticer. The noticer, or observing self, is the part of you that’s like a caring, open, aware coach standing on the sidelines while all of your experiences and everything you can notice runs around on the field. Noticing anger? Anger is on the field, and the coach is on the sidelines, observing. Mentalizing—all our thoughts and stories and anxieties and worries—are on the field, and the coach is still standing on the sidelines, watching. What we can hear, see, taste, touch, and smell? Also on the field, while the coach is taking it all in from the sidelines. 

You’ve always had the coach. This part of you has never changed. It’s always been there for you and will always be there for you. Isn’t that comforting? You can use this observing self check in whenever you’re feeling wrapped up in your own “stuff.” See if you can shift perspective to that of the coach on the sidelines and ask yourself “who’s on the field today?” 

As I check in with myself in this moment, I notice a little soreness in my throat and some low energy. My body feels achy, and my mind feels foggy. My heart feels annoyance and guilt, and I’m having frustrated thoughts related to being under the weather. What about you?

Checking in also gives us excellent information about what’s important as our emotions often point us towards our values. I have a value of self-care, and my check in reminds me to make some tea, get some rest, and wrap up this post. 

Try checking in with yourself regularly during these holiday months. If you’re struggling to do so, therapy can help. I offer a complimentary consultation call to all interested clients, and I look forward to hearing from you.