Shoulder Season Sorrow

It’s fall in Colorado—the aspens have peaked and dropped their golden bangles, the heat in my office is on an unpredictable rollercoaster, and I’ve been driving to work in boots with my steering wheel heat on and leaving in sandals with the windows rolled down.

Shoulder season in Colorado mountain towns has a very specific vibe. An “it’s shoulder season and I’m tired of mountain biking but it hasn’t snowed yet so I can’t ski” vibe. Or, “it’s shoulder season and I better get busy harvesting firewood." There's a lot to take care of during shoulder season when you’re a mountain town person. And for those of us who tend towards depression, shoulder season throws us an additional challenge in the form of thoughts and feelings of dread when facing the dark winter months.

There are many flavors of depression, and it can show up differently depending on the individual. However, there are some general themes we can identify when it comes to low mood and lack of engagement in life. Here are a few things to watch for during shoulder season that could indicate a slide into seasonal depression.

How do you know if you’re experiencing a Shoulder Season Slump?

• Your mind starts to tell you scary stories
  Our minds are expert storytellers, and can get really creative at coming up with scary stories. Headed into the winter, my mind says things like “It’s going to be so dark. I’m not going to be able to do anything I like. My feet will be cold all the time.” 
  
  My mind can go on and on, describing how horrible life will be during the winter. And when I get caught in the “bad winter story” I feel even worse. Because of the downward spiral of depression, feeling worse means I’m less likely to be proactive during shoulder season in planning for winter lows. 
  
  
• You feel controlled by fatigue and low energy
  As the days get shorter, you might notice a shift from the vibrant energy of summer to the quieter vibes of fall. This shift can lead to feelings of low energy, sleepiness, and lethargy. Your motivation flounders, and you start to put off or give up on the fun stuff in life. Bedtime creeps earlier and earlier, and it’s harder and harder to get up in the morning.
  
  
• You get hard on yourself 
  This can be a tricky one! Negative self-evaluation is one of the symptoms of depression, and is probably the one most likely to sneak in unnoticed during shoulder season. Negative thoughts about yourself might not show up directly as “you suck” which can make them hard to catch. Instead, being down on yourself is more sly and nefarious, and often arrives in the form of a story you tell yourself that puts you in a negative light. 

Shake off the Shoulder Season Sads

If you find you’re struggling this shoulder season, know you’re not alone. Fall can be a challenging time. In the same way you might physically prep for winter by stocking up on firewood and buying warm socks, you might also mentally stock up for winter with the following: 

• Try not to get caught up in the “winter is hell” story
  Because our minds are excellent storytellers, they will almost certainly hook us in with juicy tales of how the future will look and what we’ll be feeling once we get there. One way to get some space from our stories is to identify the different sentences and paragraphs that make up a particularly narrative. Make a written list of any thoughts you notice. Then, give your story a name, like “The Winter Hellscape Story.” 
  
  Every time you notice a thought connected to The Winter Hellscape Story, say to yourself “ah, I know this…this is the Winter Hellscape Story.” You’ll probably have to do this over and over again throughout the day. And, if you don’t catch the story right away, you haven’t failed. It just means you have a human mind, one that is talented at pulling you in without your awareness. 
  
  
• Revisit values
  In ACT, values are our guiding light; the compass that helps us stay oriented towards the person we want to be and how we want to show up in the world. One of the great things about values is that they are immutable. No one can take them away from you, and they are always there for you to access. 
  
  Your value of self care doesn’t go away just because the temperature drops below freezing. You might not be able to engage in self care in the same ways you do in the warmer months, but there are a lot of self-care aligned steps you can take over the winter.
  
  As I say this, I’m very aware of the “reasons why not” part of my mind. And if your mind is anything like mine, you have this part too. Your “reasons why not” mind might say things like “but indoor exercise classes aren’t as fun” and “my toes get so cold when I’m skiing.” What happens if you buy into your “reasons why not mind?” My guess is nothing happens, because nothing changes when this part takes over.
  
  Your mind is trying to keep you safe and protect you from pain, and in doing so keeps you stuck in the same place. This is a very useful function of the mind, but it isn’t very helpful when trying to work through something like depression. So, see if you can take your “reasons why not” mind with you on whatever adventure you undertake. You might pack your ski bag with extra warm clothes, a snack, some water…and throw your “reasons why not” mind in there as well. You’re going skiing, and it’s coming with you. 
  
  
• Keep perspective and practice radical acceptance
  Soon, we’ll forget what it’s like to be warm. I’ll forget what it’s like to wear sandals, and they’ll lounge neglected on our shoe rack for awhile. To keep perspective in the depths of winter, I try to remember that every season eventually yields to the next. Soon I’ll be dusting off my sandals and my boots will languish, and I will be again complaining about the heat and sweating on my mountain bike. By next August, I’ll once again be surprised by the sensation of putting on my boots to chop firewood. 
  
  Seasons will come and go, emotions will come and go, and I can guarantee that you’ll either feel the same, worse, or better than you feel now. The concept of radical acceptance comes into play here; the idea that any given situation is what it is. That doesn’t mean you have to like it or want it, but it is the current reality. Leaning into that reality instead of running away from it is paradoxically the path away from suffering. 

Struggling to cope with shoulder season sorrow on your own? Therapy can help. Reach out for a complimentary phone consultation today.