It's 2026. How are you doing?
Happy New Ye—oh, for f**k’s sake. That’s about how the new year has felt for me. How about you? How are you doing in these early days of 2026?
A new year is always, as we used to say in wilderness therapy, an AFOG (Another Freakin’ Opportunity for Growth.) As much as we might not want this particular AFOG, here it is…and as always, we have a choice to step towards or away from the challenge of creating meaning and vitality even when we might not feel like it or things feel kind of crappy and uncertain.
So, if you’re willing to step towards the current AFOG, let’s go on a little journey together in the time machine
We’ll climb in together, push a few buttons, and land in December of 2026 in the midst of a massive winter snowstorm, the first of many 2026/2027 storms to grace the Southwest with the fluffy white stuff. (Hey, if we're not having a big winter this year...maybe next year?)
We’ll get comfortable next to the time machine’s wood stove—look, if I’m inventing a time machine, it’s going to be warm and cozy—and I’ll ask you a few questions:
- What are you most proud of in 2026?
- If we had a video of your year, which parts of the video would you point to and say “that’s the type of person I want to be”?
- What about parts of the video that you would want to fast forward through? Parts where you might say “ugh, that’s not who I want to be at all?”
- What was the most meaningful thing you did in 2026?
- What was the most fulfilling thing you did in 2026?
- What was the most vulnerable or uncomfortable thing you did in 2026?
By using our time machine and traveling to the end of 2026, we’re able to explore possible guiding values for the year ahead. In ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), values are ongoing qualities of doing and being. They’re inviolable: they can’t be altered, changed, or taken away from you.
Since values are always around, there is always an opportunity to check in with how values-aligned or how values-misaligned you are acting, doing, or being in any given moment.
Let’s try it right now. Wherever you are in your day, stop and take a moment. Think about the day so far. If you could rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 10, how aligned with your values have you been so far today? Ten is “I’ve been fully aligned with my values all day long” and one is “I’ve been pretty out of touch with my values.”
I asked for help in ways that felt vulnerable. I relocated when one area of the coffee shop felt too noisy and distracting, even though my mind told me I was being high-maintenance and that people would think negatively of me. I’m writing, which always provokes a landslide of uncomfortable emotions and triggers my more self-critical parts. I wouldn’t give myself a ten because I’ve had way too much caffeine and feel kind of icky, so I could have done a little better in the self-care department.
If you’ve ever navigated the backcountry using a map and compass, you know you can stop at any point to check your compass bearing. In the same way, you can pause at pretty much any moment to check in with values and see if you’re headed in the direction of the person you want to be and the life you want to live.
Also, did you notice how many uncomfortable thoughts and feelings I described when doing my values check-in? Values and discomfort are flip sides of the same coin; often, when we are acting in line with our values, we have to sit with or make space for painful or unwanted thoughts and emotions.
Additionally, values are a bit of an empty concept without action. In ACT we specifically talk about committed action: movement that is intentional and linked directly to values.
Values without action would be like trying to summit a mountain using the aforementioned map and compass, taking a bearing, and then sitting down at your campsite and expecting to magically arrive at the peak. In my example of leaving the house to work, I’d name values of intention, presence, focus, and commitment, while the actual committed action steps were putting on less-soft pants and walking out the door.
When we do check-ins around values, we can pretty much predict that self-critical parts will show up. When I work on values with someone in a therapy session, they often initially rate themselves much lower than they actually merit due to self-critical thoughts.
Here’s an example, one I made up but that could easily be based on a real situation:
Me: “Ok, you’ve said relationships are an area of life where you’d like to get clear on your values. Let’s look at the past week. How values-aligned would you say you’ve been in your relationships?”
Cassie Client: “Hmm, probably a 4.”
Me: “I’m going to guess you’re rating yourself lower than you deserve, but let’s take a look. What are some of your values in relationships?”
Cassie Client: “Well, I want to really show up for people. And it’s important to me to be there for my friends, and support them without judgment. And, I try not to take myself too seriously in my relationships.”
Me: “Those are great, I love those examples. I’m hearing values like humor, presence, support, and lack of judgement or openness. Does that sound right to you?”
Cassie Client: “Yes, that sounds right.”
(Therapists are always getting it right the first time in made up therapist/client dialogue. Of course it’s never that simple, but I’m going for efficiency here.)
Me: “What are some ways you’ve interacted with your friends in the past week or so? Can you give me some examples?”
Cassie Client: “I went to my friend’s potluck last weekend.”
Me: “Ok, so you showed up? You were present?”
Cassie Client: “I guess I did. I also texted with my friend when she was having a fight with her girlfriend, and mostly I just listened and said supportive things.”
Me: “Alright, so there are some actions aligned with values like support and non-judgment. Anything else?”
Cassie Client: “Well, my boyfriend was teasing me for wanting the Tupperware cabinet organized in a certain way, and instead of getting all upset I realized he wasn’t trying to be mean and was able to laugh at myself some.”
Me: “Ah, so some humor. And now that you’ve given me those examples, would you still rate yourself as a four? Or would that number be a bit higher?
Cassie Client: “I’d probably say a six now.”
Granted, Cassie and I have probably already done some work around self-critical parts, and will continue to do so. There also might be some places Cassie legitimately acted out of line with her values in relationships, and that would be part of the conversation as well.
My self-critic certainly came up when I was using myself as an example earlier, saying things like, “These are dumb examples. People are going to think you’re so boring and privileged. With everything going on in the world, are you really going to use a coffee shop as an example? Why don’t you find something more meaningful.” Dang, those self-critical parts can be SO MEAN sometimes!
In summary, values are our compass bearing, we actually have to experience the discomfort of the hike (the sweat, the blisters, the bugs) in order to get where we want to go, and thinking about/exploring values can trigger our self-critical parts. Welcome to 2026! It's looking like a year when our internal compasses will be more important than ever.
If the year is off to a bumpy start for you, remember that therapy can help. I work with women ages 25-40(ish) and offer a complimentary 15 minute phone call to anyone in that population who is interested in working with me.